Throbbing Pain

Have you ever had the need to write but you just can not get it out? It is like there is so much to say that it is all crushing and devastating and I have no idea where to begin and anything I say does not sound right anymore. All I can say is that I am hurt but the only person who has ever cared for me and loved me in a special way is the one who has been hurting the most right now. And it is my entire fault. I used to always say that I never wanted to upset or cause pain to anybody, but I just did it. Whether or not this person believes in everything I said, I am still sincerely sorry for everything I have done. I am also deeply wounded, although you can say, I have no right to feel this way. But this is what I really fell. I am terribly said, depressed, confused, down, forlorn. And I feel like I no longer deserve to be loved. I admit that what I have just done is absolutely unforgivable. I guess it is time that I should learn to accept the fact that our friendship is finally and totally ruined, and that I am blameworthy for this. There would be no room for second chances anymore. That is reality.